Fruit Rankings Scored from 0-5 Bites

Autumn Glory Apple

The Autumn Glory has quite the name to live up to. Though its name isn't as provocative as the Envy, it does indeed conjure up childhood memories of fall festivities that are quite difficult to match. It is a hybrid of the Fuji and Golden Delicious grown exclusively in Washington state and advertised to have a "cinnamon" flavor. I was quite intrigued.

The Autumn Glory looks tasty with nice yellow and red streaks. Upon first bite, the flesh is incredibly dense with skin thickness nothing out of the ordinary. However, after a few chews one begins to understand what makes this apple special. Its flavor is incredibly multifaceted. Even the best tasting apples are guilty of having a rather unidimensional flavor. The Autumn Glory tastes like caramel, like cinnamon, like it was baked then magically turned back to its raw state. Put shorty, this apple includes the same flavors that we add to apples, or get from cooking them via Maillard reactions, but built right in! It is a very classic, down-home, apple flavor, but, ironically, a flavor I've never tasted straight from a raw apple.

The only criticism I can give is that it may be too good... in that it almost tastes like it is flavored artificially. However, conspiracy theories aside, I am quite amazed by this apple, and it has excited me for the future of apples. 4.5 Bites.

Cameo Apple

The Cameo was discovered serendipitously by a small family farmer in Washington state. It is not known which cultivars have the honor of being progenitor to this humble fruit. Some say it might be the Red and Golden Delicious as a few of them were a pollen's throw from the progeny. Yes the Delicious, the grandparents of the modern apple family that just don't seem to die... my faithful readers know I am not a huge fan. They do say the apple does not fall far from the tree (pun intended) so this theory worries me as I place the Cameo into my basket. Can this product of degenerate incest ever be a great apple? But as it turns out, the Cameo became one of my all time favorites.

The Cameo runs $1.40/lb at my local overpriced supermarket, a relative steal from those swindlers. The Cameo is pleasantly rustic, with shades and streaks of red, yellow, and light green. Upon touch its shell is very firm, and with an appraisal of its rather light heft, one very quickly realizes this is a very crisp apple. Upon bite its flesh break freely in a manner reminiscent to crushing styrofoam. The jowls gain confidence as the apple breaks, cracks, pops all of its juices onto the palette. It isn't a particularly juicy apple, but it's relative dryness makes for convenience as it performs the role of "eating apple" with grace.

This apple will certainly not bake well. Not only for the aforementioned lack of juiciness, but for its lack of tartness. Indeed, despite superior texture the Cameo is not a very flavorful apple. I guess the apple does not fall far when considering taste. It's blandness is reminiscent of the Delicious family. Still surprisingly, lack of explosive flavor does not seem to bother me. The other qualities of this humble apple more than make up for it. The Delicious family is surely proud of their figurative doctor in the family. I give it a solid 4.5 Bites.

Envy Apple

Product of New Zealand. Birthplace of the Jazz, Pacific Rose, Gala, the Royal Gala, and the Braeburn, New Zealand is the mecca of new age apples it seems. New Zealand agro-scientists took two of their flagship apples, the Royal Gala and Braeburn, and combined them to create the Envy.

The thing that stood out to me the most about the Envy was it's bold, slightly conceited, name. Still, naming an apple after one of the seven deadly sins seems quite appropriate, when you consider the epoch of Adam and Eve. However, Eve might have resisted temptation if there was an Envy hanging from that tree. Yes, expectations were not quite met. But at $1.99/lb it was worth a try.

The apple itself is round and pudgy, in a cute cartoonish way. It's color is dangerously reminiscent of the universally hated Red Delicious (to those below retirement age of course). My fears were slightly made reality when I took the first bite. The skin is thick and tough like the Red Delicious, and its texture is slightly grainy as well. However, after a few chews its flavor comes through. It is a tasty apple in the way that meatloaf is a satisfying dish, in that it's not exciting but is familiar in a motherly way. It is not tart like many of the new age apples currently on the scene. It's texture is also quite dense before it crumbles in a grainy Red Delicious manner.

I would suspect that if one is not a fan of HoneyCrisp, one would be a fan of the Envy. They are very different apples in appearance, taste, and, especially, texture. Considering the rampant popularity of the HoneyCrisp in modern America, this imported apple will have stiff competition. To conclude, the Envy is an improvement on the Red Delicious. Modern, elegant, and classy in flavor and in name. Still, the only apple that might feel envious of this rather boring apple is the Red Delicious itself, which isn't saying much. 2.5 Bites.

Kiku

Kiku apples are marketed as "very exotic with a super sweet taste, attractive striped ruby-red coloration, with very juicy, crunchy flesh. Quite possibly the sweetest apples you'll ever taste!" Bold words marketing team... I'm looking at you Columbia Marketing International!!! With your northwestern agricultural distribution... how exotic can you be?? Well, the Kiku was discovered by an Italian apple grower wondering in a Japanese orchard, who later brought them to Italy and then marketed them around the world. Sounds pretty exotic actually. Sorry for being accusational, perhaps it's the sugar high these Kikus gave me.

Upon first bite you will notice a very tough and thick skin, followed immediately by a light, almost bubbly, flesh. Its flesh is the closest any apple has gotten to matching the Honeycrisp's legendary texture. It is also very juicy. It simply explodes with juice when bitten into. However, I didn't find it all that sweet. It also lacks the tartness of the honeycrisp and other great eating apples. It was still enjoyable. Be warned, it would make a terrible cooking apple. Columbia Marketing International should stick to advertising its "exotic" background and light crispy texture. 3.5 Bites.

Pacific Rose

The Pacific Rose is a cross between a Gala and Splendour apple. I haven't had the privilege of trying the Splendour but the Gala has been a staple in my household for many years, mostly because it is perpetually on sale where I live... I should probably be suspicious of this.

The Pacific Rose is a really pretty apple. It has a dull, almost innocent pink hue with yellow spotted freckles all around. Its skin is slightly tough when bitten into. However its flesh is simultaneously dense while crisping away easily as you chew. It is a remarkably "refreshing" apple, just as its advertisers put it. The flavor is very mild; it's soft and familiar almost like a red delicious (in a good way though!) It does lack tartness however, but this actually adds to its refreshing quality. Serving recommendation? Pull one fresh from the fridge and crunch away on your patio on a hot San Diego day. Solid 4 Bites.

Pinata

The Pinata has a very exciting name. It is a cross between "Golden Delicious, Cox's Orange Pippin, and Duchess of Oldenburg," the later two are news to me. With three parents we can hope this apple was raised right. And in my experience, pinatas are usually filled with great things, namely candy.

Contrary to its adrenaline-inducing name, the Pinata looks rather boring. It has the typical yellow, green, and red streaks that many apple crosses share, such as the Gala, Fuji, and Braeburn. It also has the same slightly dense and fine grained texture of those apples. It's flavor, however, is strikingly Granny Smith. It isn't quite as tart but it does share the same sweetness and classic apple flavors we all grew up with, which is probably what the Golden Delicious contributed to its phenotype. But it's advertised claim of a flavor with a "tropical twist" seems to be just show.

But is the Pinata all flash? A bit. It would make a solid baking apple but it is just too familiar to compete with the new-age apples of today. Still, the Pinata is full of sweets, just like them piñatas I used to bring down as a kid (No Albert... you didn't loosen it from going before me). However, the eating experience is nowhere near as exciting as beating your friends to the candy filled center of a piñata. 2 Bites.

Ruby Frost Apple

The Ruby Frost first hit the market in 2013. It is another "new-age" apple, having been in development for 10 years via Cornell University's Apple Breeding Program. Gone are the days of surreptitiously coming across the child of two nearby apple varieties that happened to exchange pollen. These new apples utilize transgene technology, in conjunction with traditional cross-breeding, to get the very best features.

There is big money in this new apple market. It is common now for new varieties to get patented names. However, Cornell University went a step further, directly selling their new apple trees to farmers who also agree to pay a per-acre license fee. On top of that, they get a cut of the revenues once the trees start producing fruit. These apples must be good for farmers to deal with all this disincentive... And good they are.

The Ruby Frost is extremely crispy yet dense, unlike the light-crispness of the honeycrisp. It is also very tart... we are talking granny smith tart here. Yet it is sweeter and more flavorful than the Granny Smith. Thus, I imagine it would make the IDEAL cooking apple, which I hope to confirm soon with a pie. It has all the cooking apple features; it is dense, sweet, and most importantly, super tart. Lastly the skin is very easy to bite into, circumventing Granny's inclination to wedge between your teeth. I am a bit amazed by this apple. The only downside is that it might be a little too tart as an eating apple for some. Otherwise, it is a much improved Granny Smith in a gorgeous red dress. I only hope Grandpa Smith stays faithful. What's next? Wifi connectivity? Spontaneous regeneration? Will world hunger be solved? Kidding aside, this apple has me excited once again for what future apple varieties have in store. 5 Bites.